How do I start a conversation with someone I admire at a networking event
Direct Answer
To start a conversation with someone you admire at a networking event, shift your mindset from "impressing them" to "connecting authentically" by leading with genuine curiosity and a specific, thoughtful observation about their work. The key is to approach with a warm, low-pressure opener that acknowledges their expertise without putting them on a pedestal, then quickly pivot to a question that invites them to share a story or insight. Success comes from being prepared with a few conversation starters, listening actively, and respecting their time by keeping the initial exchange brief and memorable.
Kory WhiteFractional CRO · 25 yrs · $0→$200MHire a Fractional CRO
CRO Syndicate connects you with vetted fractional & interim revenue leaders — nationwide and across Maryland & DC.
Book a CallLet me cut through the anxiety and tell you what I've learned from years of networking across industries: the best advice you'll hear about approaching someone you admire avoids cringe-worthy pickup lines and paralyzing "just be yourself" platitudes. I'm Kory White, a CRO who's closed deals with CEOs and founders I once idolized, and I'm here to bust the biggest myths with real-world tactics.
Myth #1: "You need to have a perfect elevator pitch ready." Truth: Leading with a rehearsed pitch screams "transactional" and makes you look like you're selling something. The most effective openers are situational and specific—for example, "I loved your talk on remote team culture; the part about async communication really resonated because I've struggled with that." This shows you've done your homework, not that you're reciting a script. Many professionals prefer conversations that start with a genuine compliment or question about their work, not a self-introduction. Your pitch can come later, after you've built rapport.
Myth #2: "You should wait for them to approach you." Truth: At a busy networking event, the person you admire is likely swamped with people trying to get their attention. Waiting passively means you'll miss your chance. Instead, position yourself near them during a lull—like when they're getting a drink or standing alone after a panel. Approach with a friendly smile and open body language, and say something like, "Hi, I'm [Name]. I really enjoyed your recent article on [topic]. Do you have a moment to chat?" This respects their time and gives them an easy out if they're busy. Brief, low-pressure interactions at events are often more likely to lead to a follow-up than long, forced conversations.
Myth #3: "You need to be an expert in their field to talk to them." Truth: You don't need to match their expertise—you just need to be curious and respectful. A great opener is to ask a thoughtful question that shows you've done some research but aren't pretending to know everything. For example, "I'm new to the industry, but I was fascinated by how you scaled your team from 5 to 50. What was the biggest challenge you didn't expect?" This invites them to share a story, which is far more engaging than a generic "What do you do?" The best networkers are those who ask open-ended questions that let the other person shine.
Myth #4: "You should try to impress them with your accomplishments." Truth: Leading with your resume is a fast way to kill the conversation. Instead, focus on what you admire about them and how their work has impacted you. For instance, "Your book on negotiation completely changed how I approach client meetings—especially the concept of 'BATNA.' I'd love to hear how you developed that framework." This makes them feel valued and opens the door for a deeper exchange. People remember how you made them feel more than what you said—so make them feel appreciated, not challenged.
Myth #5: "Networking events are for exchanging business cards, not real conversations." Truth: The goal isn't to hand over a card—it's to create a memorable moment that leads to a follow-up. After a brief chat, say something like, "I've taken up enough of your time, but I'd love to continue this conversation. Could I send you a LinkedIn request with a note about what we discussed?" This is often more effective than a cold connection request. Personalized follow-ups within 24 hours of an event tend to have a higher acceptance rate than generic ones. Your card is just a prop; the story you share is what sticks.
Myth #6: "If they seem busy, you should just walk away." Truth: Reading body language is crucial, but don't assume busy means uninterested. If they're checking their phone or looking around, they might be overwhelmed, not dismissive. A graceful exit like, "I can see you're in demand tonight—I'll let you get back to it, but it was great meeting you," leaves a positive impression and keeps the door open. Social proof works in your favor—if you're respectful of their time, they're more likely to remember you fondly. The key is to read the room and adjust, not to take rejection personally.
The Psychology of Approach: Why Your Brain Freezes and How to Beat It
Your amygdala (the brain's fear center) treats approaching a high-status person like a threat, triggering a fight-or-flight response that makes you stammer or avoid eye contact. This is normal—it's an evolutionary leftover from when social hierarchies meant survival. To override it, use a quick commitment strategy: within a few seconds of spotting your target, take a step toward them. This physical action signals to your brain that you're committed, reducing hesitation. Social anxiety research shows that exposure therapy—repeated small approaches—can reduce fear significantly after just a few attempts. Practice on less intimidating people first, like the bartender or a fellow attendee, to build momentum.
The Perfect Opener: Three Templates That Work Every Time
Your opener should be low-risk, specific, and warm. Here are three proven templates:
- The Compliment + Question: "I loved your talk on [topic]. How did you first get interested in that?" This works because it's specific (shows you listened) and invites a story.
- The Shared Experience: "This is my first time at this event—how about you?" This is neutral and works for anyone, not just your hero.
- The Observation: "I noticed you were on the panel about [topic]. I found your point about [specific insight] really thought-provoking." This shows attention to detail and respect for their expertise.
Avoid openers like "Can I pick your brain?" (too vague) or "You probably get this all the time, but..." (self-deprecating). Keep it simple and genuine—your authenticity is your best asset.
Keep It Short and Sweet
Aim for a conversation that lasts a few minutes max. This is enough time to establish rapport but not so long that you overstay your welcome. Use this structure:
- Opening seconds: Greeting and opener.
- Next minute: One follow-up question based on their response.
- Following minute: Share a brief, relevant personal connection (e.g., "I'm working on something similar in my role").
- Final moments: Graceful exit and ask for a follow-up.
This timeboxed approach respects their schedule and leaves them wanting more. Brief, high-quality interactions are more likely to be remembered than long, rambling ones.
Body Language: The Silent Conversation Starter
Before you speak, your body language is already communicating. Stand with open posture (arms uncrossed, shoulders back), make eye contact (but not a stare—try the triangle technique: eyes, mouth, then back to eyes), and offer a genuine smile. Mirror their energy—if they're animated, match that; if they're calm, dial it down. A large portion of communication is body language, so your non-verbal cues can make or break the first impression. Avoid hovering too close (keep a comfortable distance) and don't interrupt if they're mid-sentence with someone else.
The Follow-Up: Turning a Chat into a Connection
The conversation doesn't end when you walk away—it begins. Within 24 hours, send a LinkedIn request with a personalized note referencing your chat. For example: "Hi [Name], it was great meeting you at [Event] and hearing your thoughts on [Topic]. I'd love to stay in touch and maybe grab coffee sometime." This is professional and low-pressure. Personalized follow-ups tend to have a higher response rate than generic ones. If they accept, engage with their content occasionally—like or comment on their posts—to stay on their radar without being pushy.
Kory WhiteFractional CRO · 25 yrs · $0→$200MHire a Fractional CRO
CRO Syndicate connects you with vetted fractional & interim revenue leaders — nationwide and across Maryland & DC.
Book a CallHandling Rejection: What to Do If It Doesn't Work
Not every approach will succeed, and that's okay. If they're dismissive or short, don't take it personally—they might be tired, stressed, or overwhelmed. Politely say, "Thanks for your time," and move on. Rejection is a numbers game; even the best networkers get turned down. Treat each interaction as a learning experience—what worked? What didn't? Over time, you'll refine your approach. Remember, one successful connection can open doors that many failed attempts couldn't.
The "Soft Entry" Technique: Arrive in Their Orbit Before You Speak
The most common mistake people make is approaching their admired person cold—walking straight up and interrupting their conversation or solitary moment. Instead, use the "soft entry" method: position yourself nearby (within earshot but not hovering) for a short time before you speak. If they're talking with someone else, listen for a natural pause or a topic you can genuinely reference. If they're alone, stand at a comfortable angle (not directly facing them) and glance at the event program or your phone briefly. This subtle presence signals you're not a desperate fan but a fellow attendee who happened to notice them. When you do speak, you can say, "I overheard you mention [specific topic]—that's exactly what I've been wrestling with." This feels organic, not forced, and gives you a concrete hook for conversation.
From Compliment to Conversation
A simple compliment ("I love your work") is a conversation dead-end—it puts pressure on them to respond graciously but offers no direction. Instead, use a structure: Observation + Impact + Open Question. For example: "I read your article on [specific piece] last month, and it completely changed how I think about [specific concept]—specifically the part about [detail]. What inspired you to explore that angle?" This works because it shows you've done your homework (flattering), it's specific (not generic), and it invites them to share a story rather than deflect a compliment. Practice this formula with three different people you admire before the event—write down the observation, the impact, and the question. You'll walk in with confidence, not anxiety.
The "Exit Gracefully" Protocol: Leave Them Wanting More
The most overlooked part of this interaction is the ending. A great conversation can be ruined by overstaying your welcome. Set a mental timer: aim for a few minutes maximum. When you sense a natural lull, use the "appreciation + future connection" exit: "I've really enjoyed hearing your perspective on [topic]. I don't want to take up too much of your time, but I'd love to follow up with a quick email—would that be okay?" This does three things: it shows respect for their time, it gives you a reason to connect later (collect their card or LinkedIn), and it leaves a positive, professional impression. If they say yes, send that email within 24 hours referencing something specific from your chat—this turns a fleeting moment into a lasting connection.
FAQ
What if I'm too nervous to speak? Take a few deep breaths and start with a small, low-stakes interaction—like asking for directions to the restroom—to build confidence before approaching your target.
Should I bring up my own accomplishments? Only if it's relevant and brief—focus on them first, then share a quick connection if it naturally fits.
What if they're already in a conversation? Wait nearby but not too close, and approach during a natural pause or after they've finished.
Is it okay to approach someone at the bar or buffet? Yes, these are low-pressure zones—just keep it casual and avoid interrupting them while they're eating.
How do I end the conversation without being awkward? Say, "It was great meeting you—I don't want to take up too much of your time. Can I send you a LinkedIn request?" This is polite and clear.
What if I forget their name after we've talked? Apologize and ask again—people appreciate honesty. Say, "I'm sorry, I'm terrible with names—could you remind me?"
Sources
- Harvard Business Review, "The Art of Networking" (article on conversation starters)
- Forbes, "How To Network With People You Admire" (online article)
- Inc. Magazine, "The Best Way to Start a Conversation at a Networking Event" (online article)
- Psychology Today, "The Science of Social Anxiety and How to Overcome It" (online article)
- The Muse, "How to Start a Conversation With Someone You Admire" (online article)
- Fast Company, "The Perfect Networking Opener" (online article)
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